I’ve blogged before about the many hats I wear. I do not say this to seem remarkable; I say this to prove that we are all that way. At any given moment of any given day we may be mom, employee, wife, sister, car pooler, team mom, friend, neighbor, coach, daughter, boss, chef, maid, etc. We switch from being needed to needing, from being in charge to following orders, from being free to being structured. This causes chaos in our minds, our bodies, and, often, for our families. I must remember that of all the identities I juggle on any given day, I am always me. Scheduling or “indulging” in “me time,” as most call it, is beyond necessary for our own well-being.
I haven’t been as consistent with Friday Favorites since I started back at work, but I decided this week I am not compromising on it. I am writing this week. Which gave me the idea to write about why I love to write: it is my perfect me time. I am an awe of words and sentences (just ask my students) and often marvel at how they link together and create imagery and worlds and beliefs and arguments and beauty. I teach my students that they should write like readers and read like writers. I strive to do that, too. When I sit down to write a blog–whether it is planned out ahead of time or rather in-the-moment–I feel a true release of energy and a surge or calm all at the same time. I adore toying with word placement and sentencing, with exploring how I write something rather than what I write. This is when I am most centered, most grounded. This is my favorite me time of all. I encourage you to try it. Get a journal or start a blog or post of Facebook once a day. Even one sentence well-considered is therapeutic for me.
What else do I love to do when it’s just me? Keep reading to find out. You won’t find any earth-shattering on this list, but perhaps you’ll remember what it is you love that helps you find your center. Strive to spend even just 10 minutes each day on “you time” so that your other hats can fit a bit better.
2. Reading: I don’t read enough. I know I’ve previously shared my favorite novels, but that list is deceiving. It takes me quite a while to finish a novel. For one, I am always rereading a text or two for school–not to mention the student writing I read. I really need to make an effort to fit in reading for pleasure. I cannot do so right before bed, though, or I’ll be asleep within 5 minutes. When I do make the time, however–when Mike is watching college hoops or when I have just 15 minutes of hall duty left after grading quizzes–I love it. I escape into another place and embrace the journey. I marvel at the author’s craft and daydream my own endings. I let myself be in a moment that belongs to just me.
3. Running/working out: I’ve written before about starting
each most mornings with a sun salutation. It is amazing what those few minutes of yoga and meditation can do for my psyche. But I need to really sweat, to really workout, to feel true to myself.
I’ve grown to love running. It is freeing to run outdoors, in the fresh air, and to push my pace. I am not fast but I love challenging myself. Reach the stop sign before the song ends. Sprint for 30 seconds every time the song changes. These mind games fuel my competitive side while quenching my need for health and fitness. I get grumpy when I don’t get a run in over a long period of time. Even if I am in the midst of an at-home program or challenge group, I get especially antsy if I haven’t been able to run. I am still regaining my miles from my pregnancy. I know it takes time. The runs I’v been able to tackle, though, inspired me to get back into distance running. My husband, sister-in-laws, and I plan to run a half marathon in November. Now it is time for serious mind games.
I also adore working out in my living room, sometimes bright and early and alone, and sometimes with a kid or two or three at my feet. TurboFire is my go-to. Chalene Johnson is my best friend in my head. The mix of HIIT and Fire workouts allow me to do the perfect program in the amount of time I have available. I’ve had this program for 5 years and is still my favorite. I am in the midst of 21 Day Fix Extreme right now
4. Shopping. At Target. Alone.: Moms, need I say more? Especially if there is a Starbucks. It is like a mini vacation. I would worry the employees all in red look at me strangely for meandering around their aisles for a full hour, but I know I am not the only one. I’ve got my leggings on, I’ve got a list I’ll exceed by at least 7 items, and I’ve got the perfect Pandora station playing from my iPhone. I am home. Until I’m really home with three bags full of dollar-bin items for holidays weeks away that I’ll either A. give to the kids in a matter of days, or B. forget I have entirely until the holiday has passed.
I can also get pretty zen traipsing up and down the narrow aisles of Whole Foods or the wide halls of the mall. Again, my earbuds are in and I’m focused. I’m trying to send the message that my time is for me only. No, I do not want to smell your perfume. No, I am not interested in your miracle hand cream. No, if I wanted a new tub I’d go to Home Depot, not the food court foyer. No, I’d rather not have my eyebrows threaded in front of all these people. If I wanted to be having a conversation with someone, I would have brought my kids along. This is all about me.
5. Cooking: This is a new one for me. I’ve always been fascinated by recipes, but found most yummy ones intimidated. I’ve had my standbys, though. If I was cooking for a crowd or for a holiday, I’d make stuffed shells. If I was a guest at a party, I’d make my fruit salsa. If I was cooking on a weekend morning, I’d make pancakes. Mike and I have differing tastes, so I tended to stick with tried-and-true recipes on weeknights, like my pork chops or chicken ala yummy. Plus, he often works late, so I lived by the mantra “the easier the better,” which left to countless nights of take-out or boil-out-of-the-box pasta with sauce out-of-the-jar. My husband never complained, but he rarely praised my cooking.
Now, he does. He often expresses how much he enjoys our new recipes, and I am truly in love with cooking them. We’ve both become increasingly adventurous as we’ve began to understand the importance of clean eating and balancing our macronutrients. As a result, I’ve curated an extensive library of clean recipes from the vast corners of the internet and am venturing more and more into creating my own. The most beautiful side of clean cooking and eating is that our meals rely on the natural flavors of in-season foods; you almost can’t go wrong.
I also love getting the kids involved–even though this is listed under “me time”. This adds many minutes to the suggested “prep time” of any recipe, but the memories and healthy habits this creates are priceless. My son especially loves to bake with me; he is always on hand when I make muffins or cookies. Kayden, though she loves to watch baking shows on YouTube, prefers to cook or meal prep. She loves to sort our fresh snacks or to portion out the ingredients for a meal. I hope to get them more and more involved as they get older.
6. Watching my shows: I feel like one of my grandmothers when I type that, “my shows.” Each of my grandmas had their shows (or her “stories,” as Nanny Agnes called them), and by shows they meant soap operas. I am not a day-time TV kinda gal, but I do fall hard for one or two shows at a time that I need in my life. Big time. I will curl up on the couch alone with a cup of tea or a handful (ok, a bag) of Craisins or a huge spponful of peanut butter and just watch. I don’t binge. I absorb. I immerse myself in these characters. I memorize their lines. I cry with them and laugh with them and love with them.
I’ve had many shows over the years–Big Love, Swingtown (gone far too soon!), Smash–and am currently hooked on Younger, The Americans, and Nashville. My husband and I watch The Americans together, which makes me feel less guilty that I am currently in long-term relationships with 3 shows, but I couldn’t pick just one. I am obsessed with them.
Something to realize is that “me time” doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Many times, when I pencil in time to recharge and get back to me, it involves my favorite people.
7. Talking to my mom on the phone: I do this daily. We usually chat blue tooth-style on my short drive to work in the morning and at least once again in the afternoon. These phone conversations are part routine, part catharsis, completely “me time” qualified because it is like having a conversation with myself.
8. Girls nights: Every person needs a time to recharge his or her batteries. I refuel once every month or two with a girls night. This usually means a dinner out with some wine and good conversation, it sometimes means a Pampered Chef or 31 party, and it can even mean a meet-up for lunch (a girls day!) at one of our houses. These social gatherings with one or more girlfriends renews my sense of self and rekindles my ability to be Mom. These get-togethers are good for my soul and good for my family.
9. One-on-one time with each child: I don’t get to do this enough, but that is the lot we chose by having three kids 5 and under. Someone is always demanding my attention. When I can devote time for an activity each child loves, though, we reconnect and I feel less mommy-guilt. Anything that reduces mommy-guilt has to be “me time.”
With Kayden, I play school. If she had her way, we would play every waking minute of the day. What she doesn’t understand is that I play school every day as a high school English teacher. Continuing that momentum and those activities when I just want to be Mom feels daunting and draining and droll. I can often swindle my way into being “Miss Pam,” who is conveniently a like-named women who works in the school’s office. This way I can continue to make dinner or work on paperwork or fold laundry and it is as if I’m completing my secretarial duties. Other times, I can take the role of “Miss Julie,” the college-aged helper who assists all classes in the afternoon. When I am Miss Julie, I can spend 10 minutes with Kayden in full kindergarten aide mode–cutting circles and folding paper and sorting books–and then assist the other classes for a stretch of time, aka spend time with my other two children. But some days, she wants me to just be her teacher or just be her student and when I do, when it is just us, I can’t help but be in awe of her imagination and attention to detail and eerie reincarnation of my entire childhood. This is “me time” for both of us. I must allow myself to enjoy it fully more often.
Paxton likes waking up early and cuddles and Odd Squad and doing puzzles. We often spend our one-on-one time while everyone else is still sleeping. He is naturally an early riser and an immediate eater, so we will head down for breakfast and put on a favorite show and relax on the couch for a few minutes before the hustle and bustle of the rest of the day and family take over. These few minutes of contact are usually all he needs. If he wakes up and I am already getting ready for school or doing my workout, he accompanies me throughout the entire process. He just needs to know I’m there and needs me to know he’s there. Lately, he’ll do a puzzle on the floor while I get my things together for the day, or he’ll sit beside me as I check in with my challenge groups early in the morning. He’s my shadow most of the morning and though it can stress me out when we are in a time crunch or when I’m tripping over him at every turn, I have to embrace these moments when Mommy is his number one girl.
Kellen’s an easy sell: give him a few minutes to nurse and he is golden. I am especially in love with nursing this time, most likely since we plan on Kellen being the final Bus Baby. I can tell he is beginning to teeth and is a bit antsy, but I am going to ride out this wave with him as long as he’ll have it. Stay tuned for his big boy mommy-and-me time. 😉
10. TV with my husband: I’ve already told you about my shows. Well, Mike and I have our shows as well. We love the entire Chicago series: Fire, PD, and Med. We’ll watch Shark Tank and The Big Bang Theory. We’ve seen every season of Homeland and 24. And last year we finally got on the Breaking Bad bandwagon and never looked back. We’ll sit together with cups of coffee or tea or a glass of wine and just watch. This is the time when we mentally unwind, often fall asleep, and do very little talking, but we love it. We compare notes on predictions or quiz each other on a new character’s identity from a different show or film (well, maybe I just quiz him and then immediately look up said actor/actress on IMDB), but it is this routine that I find most comforting. This isn’t boring marriage stuff. This is practiced marriage stuff. This is “life is so chaotic and our world is often so loud that this televised escape is needed” stuff. Plus, Mike knows I’ll make up all the not-talking with plenty of chattiness the second his head hits his pillow.
How do you sustain you? Tell me in the comments! And leave your info below! I’d love to know who’s reading, and I promise–no spam. Just Pam. 🙂